Desperate Housewife

... I have a feeling my boys at work might like this one... Here's the video of Eva Longoria on stage at the VMAs. Hottest Desperate Housewife

Joan Rivers eat your heart out

Can someone help me understand what the hell Jessica Simpson was wearing at the VMAs? ... and yes I know. Clothes.

Looks like we're going to have to take the leg Sir.

Leg Update: Swelling getting a little better... gross red & black colors - getting worse. Here's a pic I just took of my leg here at work...

SONOFABITCH!

So this afternoon I meet my 2 brothers down at the city softball diamonds. They wanted to take a little hitting practice since our Fall Softball League is starting up on Tuesday. Neither of them have played at all this year yet... so they wanted to get a few swings in. 1st I pitched to Brad. Pretty non-eventful. 2nd I pitched to Brian. Duche drilled me in the fucking shin with a line drive. Within about 15 seconds it looked like someone stuck a racket ball under my skin. I took a few pics when I got home.. kinda hard to see it that well.. but you get the idea. So now I'm sitting here, watching my brother Brian's boy Diddy host the VMA's.

Here Come The Hawkeyes!!

Check the countdown people. This time next Saturday, my ass will be firmly planted in the middle of the North Endzone in Legendary Kinnick Stadium. AAaahhh.. you can feel the electricity in the air. The college football season is here. There is nothing like Iowa Football. The Hawkeyes have won 18 straight home games, #19 will come next Saturday. Three straight years finishing in the Top 10. Kinnick will be rockin' once again this year. Every home game was sold out over a month ago. Here is a pic of the new South Endzone and new scoreboard with larger jumbotron. The old jumbotron was big.. but this one is just enormous. Here is a pic taken 2 years ago from my seats in the North Endzone. It was the night game against Arizona State. Here's how the Hawkeyes are ranked in some Pre Season Polls.

Mother of Jackson's Accuser Charged

BREAKING NEWS - Mother of Jackson Accuser Charged with Welfare Fraud A five-count complaint of welfare fraud has been filed against the mother of the teen accuser of Michael Jackson. The complaint alleges that she collected $18,782 in payments while making claims that she was indigent. During the trial, Jackson's attorneys presented evidence that she and her family received $150,000 settlement in 2001 in a lawsuit against J.C. Penney, again while claiming to be indigent. It was also shown that she received money from her boyfriend to pay her rent on an apartment. The Los Angeles County District Attorney's Bureau of Fraud and Corruption Prosecutions are alleging that she hid from authorities that she received the settlement and failed to report the receipt of $637 for her rent in January 2003. The payment was not discovered until a social services investigator received a tip from a private investigator on February 2, 2005. She was a significant witness for the prosecution against Michael Jackson and many of the jurors believed that she lacked credibility. Mother of Jackson's Accuser Charged

Google is going to take over the World

It feels like Google is taking over the world... 1st they were the best search engine ever!.. then came a toolbar, Froogle, GMail, Maps, News, Google Ads, and now Instant Messenger...? There stock is up to over $276 a share! Google is still the best search engine and I think by far the best free email there is out there. I even love their maps. Will there be a point where they go to far.. and there quality starts to go down??? Google to launch instant messaging program ps Feel free to use the Google search and browse the Google Ads that are available on my site... = )

DrugMoines

Nice to know that good ol' DesMoines is in a drug ring with Mexico, Columbia, New York, and LA. DEA Busts 160 in Drug Transportation Rings Who are all these meth users? .. and why do only white people in the midwest use it? Here's something I found from a different article: "Law enforcement officials indicate that meth labs are using pseudoephedrine from cold medications to produce the methamphetamine. Last year, 1,472 meth labs were encountered in Iowa, up from only two in 1994." HBO did a special on meth last year - I watched it.. it was all about people in Iowa. It was crazy to watch a show on HBO.. about these messed up people addicted to "crank", and know that they live just hours away. It also sucks because now its like impossible to buy cold medication anywhere. I think I'm addicted to crab ragoons from Asian Gardens.

Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves

This guy totally reminds me of my brother Brian! He hated cell phones.. well probably still does. He used to always say how he was never going to get one. Well about 2 years ago he got one for his birthday, so he's had one ever since. I'm sure he's still not happy about it. The Onion | Vehement Anti-Cell-Phone Guy Finally Caves On a side note, I feel kinda bad about making fun of Wisconsin in Sunday's post since they totally got shit canned last night by tornadoes. ... who am I kidding? I don't feel bad. Wisconsin blows.

Chinese Takeout Prank Call

I 1st heard this about 2-3 months ago... stumbled across it again. Its pretty funny stuff. Here's a little setup. Guy calls Chinese takeout, places order. Then places that guy on hold and calls another Chinese takeout. Then gets both of them on the line at the same time. Quickly turns to mass confusion. Definitely worth a listen. Chinese Takeout Prank Call ... 1 out Top of 8th.. Cubs up 4-2 over the Astros... think they'll pull it off? If they win they will be 5 1/2 games out of the Wild Card.

This Just In...

Very important news just in. P. Diddy aka Puffy aka Puff Daddy aka Sean Combs wants to change his name again. Please, everyone, just call him Diddy. This is just earth shattering news. "Nobody knew what to call me," he explains. "I'd notice that people were uncomfortable when I'd meet them for the first time, and then they'd ask me what they should call me. I even started to get confused myself -- and when I'd called someone on the telephone it took me a long time to explain who I was. Too long." Here's an idea fuckhole.. how bout just have people call you by your name. 'P. Diddy' Wants to Change His Name ... Again ps Please people. Wezley is just too confusing. Please. Just call me Wez.

Millee - Wakay

Back from the weekend in Milwaukee. Saturday went through the Miller Brewery tour again. How can you pass up 3 free samples?!? Nothing like the champagne of beers, Miller High Life. After this time on the tour I was thinking that I should count how many times I hear the phrase, "Miller Time".. I'll have to do that next time. I'm putting the over/under at 35. Place your bets! Saturday night - off to the Brewers/Reds game at Miller park. Of course, like every time I go to a game, we have some complete dumbasses sit right behind us. As you can see by the pics, we had some nice seats. Row 3 in short left field. Pretty cool. Well during the 3rd inning 2 guys show up and sit behind us. If I'd have to bet I'd say they turned 21 yesterday. So they sit down.. start ordering up some beers, Miller of course - I believe they switched between MGD & Miller Lite. These 2 punks know absolutely nothing about baseball... I'm not even sure why they paid the $28 for a ticket to sit there. Here are just a few examples of things I heard them say. 4th inning: Duche1 says to Duche2 - "How many guys play? Is it 9?" Duche2 responds "uuhh... 1, 2, 3, 4... 8, 9. Yeah 9" 6th inning: Duche2 happened to notice the display of Pitch Speed on the scoreboard. Duche2 says to Duche1 - "What the fuck dude, he threw that pitch at 44mph!? What's he doing?" side note here: sometimes when the catcher or umpire throws a ball back to the pitcher, the scoreboard will accidentally display the speed of that throw. This happens about once an inning or so... Duche1 replies - "Yeah, there is a lot of strategy involved dude. Since the pitcher is up he is throwing it slow so he won't hit it very far." The Brewers were up 1-0 til the during the 7th when the Reds scored 4 runs to take the lead. These 2 asshats who no nothing what so ever about baseball - of course decided they were die hard Brewers fans tonight. So the 7th inning was full of many following words and phrases: "Fuck!", "Shit!", "Bullshit!", "You fucking suck!", "Nice catch fatass!"......... Despite the unbelievable support of these 2 fine fans, the Brewers lost to the Reds 4-1. The Reds won, because that's who I was rooting for. = ) Sunday, went to the Milwaukee County Zoo. Nothing like watching an ostrich take a shit. Unlike George Costanza, I have not eaten an ostrich burger... Nice to be back in a real state. Good 'ol Iowa... not some state that puts an ear of corn, cow head, and block on cheese on its state quarter. Stupid Wisconsin...

Video Time..

Here are some videos I've seen recently.. that I thought were funny or cool. Nut Bra Fun with Signs United States of Whatever Tom Cruise Kills Oprah Dance Dance Dance

The Art of Retouching

This is pretty amazing. Check out this site to see what the powers of air brushing can do to pictures. Some of these are just amazing how much they change the picture. You just can't believe anything you see in a magazine anymore. Someone could be the fuggliest girl ever... but after air brushing - She's HOT! Make them skinner, remove tattoos, remove rolls, change their clothes, make boobs bigger, smooth everything out.. its truely amazing. Glenn Feron - The Art of Retouching

Update...

Well... got 2 more "Trailer Park Whore" search hits today. Who are these people? I have also had 22 hits from people who have their resolution set to 800x600. Are you kidding me? Either there are some grandparents visiting.. or some of you people have some major bad eye sight. You guys might as well just pull out your Commodore 64. Come on now, you can do it.. atleast make the step up to 1024x768. You'll thank me in the morning.

Tickets!

This is the stupidest ticket I have ever gotten. I was parked in my brother's driveway for 25mins.. and I come out to this gay ticket. Evidently my back wheels were barely on the sidewalk.. good grief. So I refused to pay. Then today I get this in the mail. Says pay $15 by August 12th.. OR ELSE!.. oh no.. whatever shall I do. $15? How will I ever come up with that!? When I 1st told people about this back in April, my friend (same drunk one on RAGBRAI) started to hype out on me about not paying it. He was like "Dude, it will just keep doubling forever and you'll owe a million dollars!" I was like "Whatever, Lance Armstrong, why don't you just go ride your bike around the block." One thing I did notice about the letter I received today - it says Pay by August 12th - Please mail 7-10 days prior to due date. Yeah.. that's today! Thanks for the heads up jackasses.